everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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