We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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