Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
