I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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