I can tuck mytits in my pants
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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