we have officially lost it.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
