She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
BRING THE BAGELS
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
