I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
