I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
