i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
