Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
