I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
