sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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