It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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