She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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