im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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