I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize