I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
