You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
