he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
