If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
