Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
