Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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