Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
