i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
