dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
