He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
