You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
