the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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