You really coming over, don't trick.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
