Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
