sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
