He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You can't special order awesome
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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