Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
