I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize