this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
