nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
