This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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