If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
