matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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