When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fence marks all over my body
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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