My cat gives me a boner
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
