butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
