Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
