He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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