Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
