Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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