I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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