Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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