he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
