The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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