First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
