need another drink. this is the easiest way
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
