You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
