i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
