im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
