On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
