i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize