she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
