Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
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What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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