youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
