just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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