I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
