took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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