ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
