dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
