just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Houston, we have a squirter
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
