yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
