LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
