I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
