u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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