Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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