just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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