I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
