hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
