i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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