Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
