Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
