Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
