i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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