i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You may now shotgun with the bride
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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