If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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