I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
