better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize