so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
