2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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