I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
