I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
