ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
