Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
