she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
