i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I didn't notice because vodka
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
